How to Conquer Your Fear of Speaking – 3 Causes and 3 Choices
By Dr. Robert Portnoy
As professionals, we’re frequently called upon to give both formal and informal presentations – whether to customers, colleagues, bosses and even board members. Some of us are trained, readily prepared, and eagerly welcome or create the opportunity to inform, demonstrate, persuade, inspire and motivate. Others of us run, shirk and when absolutely necessary – squeak by. And many of us are scared to death, even though we may not show it. In fact, statistics show that nearly 75% of the population has a fear of speaking. It’s often said that when it comes to common fears, the fear of speaking tops the list right up there with fear of snakes, spiders and death itself. As Jerry Seinfeld said, “The average person at a funeral would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
While certainly common, the fear of speaking can be devastating – not only to careers, but to relationships. Communication is the crucial bridge that connects people and when it’s compromised by fear, the connection is limited, threatened and easily broken.
The extent of this fear runs along a continuum from normal and mild to severe and debilitating. Most everyone feels a bit nervous when getting up in front of audience or making an important presentation even if it’s only to a few people – if those people can impact the speaker’s success. And this slight nervousness is easily managed and overcome once the presentation gets underway – especially when the speaker is well prepared with a point and a purpose. But towards the severe end of the continuum, the anxiety can be overwhelming and the physical manifestations can be significant – including impact on blood pressure, heart rate, muscle weakness, flushed skin, sweaty hands and more.
Much has been written about the fear of speaking. And various practitioners, ranging from self-proclaimed experts to highly trained professionals, offer methods and remedies to help speakers overcome it. From an overview perspective, there are three primary causes – any one of which (or in combination) that lead to the fear of speaking.
The first type of cause is an anxiety disorder – leading to a phobia. A phobia is defined as an irrational, intense fear of an object or situation that poses little or no actual danger. At first glance, a phobia may seem similar to a normal fear. It is the degree to which a person is affected that determines whether that fear has become a phobia. The fear of speaking is a type of social phobia – a fear of being embarrassed in public. The key to both understanding and treating a phobia is recognizing that while the fear and anxiety can be intense and “real”, there is little or no actual danger. There is nothing in the situation that can actually harm the person who is experiencing the anxiety. There is no snake that will bite, no ladder that will fall, no gun that will shoot, etc. The danger is not real – only imagined. Getting up in front of an audience, for a person who has a fear of speaking is not imaginary. What is imaginary is the danger that the speaker believes lurks in the room. There is no real danger – at least nothing that the speaker couldn’t be trained to handle.
The second type of cause is faulty beliefs. The person who has a fear of speaking may believe that they are incapable or not good enough. These beliefs can often be traced back to situations in their past where their parents treated them in ways that made them doubt themselves and feel incapable. For example, imagine the impact on a young child who repeatedly hears, “What’s the matter with you?” or “How many times have I told you?” Coupled with a “yelling” tone of voice, these messages can lead to beliefs that shape a child’s self-esteem and impact the choices they make when trying to cope with life’s challenges. Consider the impact that a belief of “I’m not good enough” could have on a speaker as he faces a hostile audience. Certainly, fear and anxiety are easy to understand in light of these kinds of beliefs.
The third type of cause is competence. In many cases the difference between an average and an exceptional speaker is training. Effective speaking, while a “gift” and an art for some, comes down to learning, experience and feedback for most. Learning to buiild and deliver a compelling presentation requires instruction, guidance and time. It’s only natural that less experienced speakers will feel more anxious than accomplished speakers.
Certainly these three types of causes may occur in any combination. An inexperienced speaker who has irrational fears and faulty beliefs is going to have much more trouble in front of people than a speaker who suffers from only one of the three conditions.
But there is hope. Any of these causal conditions can be changed – and if not totally, at least to some degree. Here’s how.
Phobias can be managed through certain forms of therapy and medication. One approach that has been effective for many people with a fear of speaking is called Virtual Reality Training. Using this method, the individual is exposed to the feared situation over and again in the absence of any real danger. To manage the fear of speaking, the person faces, talks to and gives presentations to a virtual audience. The trained practitioner controls the reactions of the virtual audience using specialized computer software. With repeated exposure, the fear and anxiety diminish helping the person face real audiences with more comfort and confidence. For more information about this type of treatment, contact me at greatspeakers@aol.com.
When faulty beliefs are the cause, the beliefs can be targeted and essentially replaced with new and more healthy beliefs. This approach is based on the notion that beliefs are just that – beliefs. You can’t see them, you can’t feel them, and you can’t show them to anyone else. They exist only in your head. The objective is to get them out of your head so they don’t bother you anymore and then to replace them with healthy beliefs that are based in reality. This approach is now available through a self-study DVD program and has been validated as effective through university research. For more information, contact me at greatspeakers@aol.com.
Fear of speaking that stems from inexperience is relatively easy to overcome simply by learning how to speak effectively. There are many options including classroom training, public seminars and corporate programs. A new option is now available that enables learners to develop their speaking skills through self-study. It is a multi-media program (making use of speech instrumentation, CDs, DVDs, and a professional library) that allows learners to systematically measure and develop their presentation skills in the privacy of their own home or office. For more information about this learning method, visit www.pstoolkit.com.
Speaking effectively is critical to connecting with people, to professional development and to building and sustaining fulfilling relationships. When fear of speaking gets in the way, personal and professional success can be tragically compromised. This article has provided a basis for understanding the causes of this fear and some choices that are readily available to help just about anyone speak with comfort and confidence.
Dr. Robert Portnoy is a licensed speech pathologist. He has helped hundreds of people overcome their fear of speaking and learn to speak effectively. Dr. Portnoy is the founder and president of Great Speakers Training Company (www.greatspeakers.org) and the developer of The Presentation Skills ToolkitTM – www.pstoolkit.com.
Tags: Average Person, Board Members, Colleagues
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