Posts Tagged ‘Neuro Linguistic Programming’

Neuro Linguistic Programming – a great Parenting Skill to acquire in modern times

July 28th, 2010 by admin | No Comments | Filed in Linguistics


Parenting has been going on since the beginning of humanity, but many parents still feel they must reinvent the wheel over and over again and count on some mysterious instincts they are supposed to have.  Parenting is at first a physical challenge, then slowly; it morphs into a mental challenge.  However it is highly desirable that parents do use child-centred, non-directive play, as a part of their parenting activities.  This requires special Parenting Skill. For many people, parenting their kids is one of the most fulfilling feelings in their life. Parenting skill is all about knowing your parenting personality. This is important as it helps you discover how your personality motivates the way you behave as a parent and how your child’s personality interacts with your own.  As times have changed – parenting has become more refined and several parenting skills and techniques are available to make the process simpler and less stressful. Below is one of the most effective and contemporary parenting skill; that can give you complete parenting satisfaction.

Neuro Linguistic Programming  or NLP was begun by Dr John Grinder and Richard Bandler in the mid 1970’s and Neuro-Linguistic Parenting (NL Parenting) is a parenting skill that takes the essence of NLP and applies it to parenting circumstances. First let us understand what is NPL? NLP is the study of how people know what they think they know and how they do what they do (as opposed to ‘why’ they do what they do).  NLP processes can be used to explore beliefs. NLP explores the relationships between the way we think (Neuro), the way we communicate (Linguistic) and our patterns of behaviour (Programming). Our minds, bodies, emotions, beliefs, knowledge and memories are all present and active simultaneously. NEURO is our “Nervous System” through which experience is received and processed via the five senses. LINGUISTIC is our language and nonverbal communication systems through which neural representations are coded, ordered, and given meaning.  PROGRAMMING is the pattern of manifestation of our neural codes and communication.

NL Parenting is the parenting skill with a main goal of dissemination of the necessary processes and information to assist parents in achieving personal congruence. It is all about generating options from which we can choose, so it is the finest system we have for learning how to relate to children in creative and congruent ways.  NLP in Parenting helps foster better communication between parent and child. 

NL Parenting works quicker with children and adolescents simply because their nervous system is still in the process of integrating those inner messages so they can be helped to delete and replace them quicker. From an NL Parenting perspective the roles of a parent are; to manipulate contexts so that children can learn or play in relative safety and to model or demonstrate exceptional behaviour and congruence. NL Parenting is the parenting skill which provides parents with a framework that helps their children to get along with others and in the process make parenting an enjoyable experience.

We are often taken aback with the way our kids change their behaviour when moving from one stage of their life to another or even within their individual life stages. Our 11 year old child who was dependent on us for all decisions suddenly becomes independent by the time they cross 13. Our infant who was howling a few minutes ago is smiling and giggling away now. Children are experts at changing states. The first step to developing NL Parenting Skill is to understand the state of our child. It is like putting yourself in the shoes of your child and understanding how they think, their needs, what is driving their behaviour (good or bad) and what are their frustrations.

This parenting skill can be achieved by anchoring – which means associating their current state with their beliefs and surrounding. So if your 3 year old knows that by creating a tantrum they will get what they want, you need to understand that creating a tantrum to have their way is the belief that your child has developed. If you put yourself in their shoes, you will be able to point to various instances where they have got a better of you just because you gave into their tantrum. These instances were the key to development and reinforcement of their beliefs. It is very important to remember that even though you feel that creating a tantrum in this instance is bad behaviour – your child definitely sees it as giving them benefits. Hence there is an incongruence of your beliefs versus your child’s.

Knowing their belief and understanding the physical stimulus for the same is the second step to acquiring NL Parenting skill. However, anchoring is not the end of the process. By anchoring you will now be able to identify the beliefs and the physical stimulus that you want to change. So the goal of the first two steps is not to leave the state unchanged, but to find a way to change it that preserves some elements of its benefits. So if your child has created a tantrum to have a chocolate, you can try and negotiate with them to complete their dinner first and then allow them to have a chocolate – such that you get some benefits out of the situation.

The final step of NL Parenting skill is the process of achieving permanent transformation in your child. Here coaching skills play a very vital role. Coaching comes in when a situation arises that displays a gap between, what the environment is asking and what skills the child may lack. Coaching skills give parents the tools to build on their relationship with their child and to create opportunities for courageous conversations. Acquiring the right coaching skills is important as it helps parents to identify their governing values and standards, which establishes the basis of their parenting decisions. It helps to transform your awareness about your child’s behaviour, it energizes your child’s successes, that promote desired behaviour and it identifies & creates qualities that would not have otherwise existed. So in the above example, through coaching parents can create a complete different external stimulus for the child – like say need for healthy teeth – and steer them away from demanding chocolates and creating tantrum for them all the time.

 

Finally NL Parenting skill doesn’t prescribe any single parenting ideology, but identifies models of parenting excellence and skills and tactics that progress us to more gentle and respectful parenting. It helps you to recognise your parenting strengths, weaknesses and beliefs and allows you to become a true guide and mentor to your child. 

For more tips on parenting refer to my free e-book “New Parenting Style” on http://www.newparentingstyle.com/index.html


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Where Can You Learn Neuro-Linguistic Programming?

March 26th, 2010 by admin | No Comments | Filed in Linguistics


Neuro-linguistic programming or NLP as it is popularly referred to is fast finding an increasing number of takers these days. Many people are keen to learn NLP in order to get that winning edge and get ahead of the competition in today’s competitive world. The entire concept of NLP is based on the theory that by modeling oneself after someone successful, we will be pretty soon is able to develop the successful person’s belief system. In a way it involves gradual and practical change in certain behavioral patterns.

These days there are many schools from where you can learn NLP. More than learning this entire process has got more to do with exploring and then practicing what is being taught as part of NLP sessions. A lot of interactive sessions form part of such sessions. Many new ideas are bounced around in NLP sessions between the students and the trainers, which make these sessions interesting to the participants.

A simple online search can put you across several schools where NLP is taught. Make sure though that you learn NLP only from a certified instructor of NLP. You can also find many self-help tapes and books on the subject too available these days. Books are valuable aids to learning NLP. They could also compliment what you are already learning in NLP classroom session, if you are enrolled in one. You can also find many audio and video tapes on the subject. The choice of whether to learn through books and tapes or attend courses ultimately lies with you.

One of the reasons for the rising popularity of NLP lies in the fact that the entire concept is based on practical experiences of successful individuals. NLP as a theory is more solution oriented and therefore easy to practically implement in our daily lives. NLP has already helped millions around the world with problems including traumas, phobias and interpersonal communication related issues.

Those wanting to learn NLP can enroll themselves in short workshops on the subject too, that are held from time to time. These programs which are usually a one or two day affair can be pretty useful for getting an introduction on the subject. Moreover you will not be wasting much of your time and also money with such short introductory workshops. Those who are keen to learn NLP thoroughly can always enroll themselves in full time longer courses which could last for a few months. The syllabus typically in an NLP training program would consist of several practical sessions. Long term courses usually lead to certification in NLP.


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Neuro-Linguistic Programming – The Ultimate Method of Top Achievers

August 19th, 2009 by admin | No Comments | Filed in Linguistics


NLP is a life changing method for reprogramming the way you think in order to achieve remarkable goals.

For those who have yet to learn about the NLP model of communication, it can seem like a confusing topic. However, neuro-linguistic programming can be understood and utilized by anyone with the desire to change his or her life and reach their goals.

Successfully implementing neuro-linguistic programming is as easy as understanding its key tenets and learning how to use them in everyday life.

What is Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP)

Neuro-linguistic programming is how to use the language of the mind to reach specific outcomes and goals in life.

Broken down by individual word, neuro refers to the five senses as experienced in our mind, including visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory and gustatory. Linguistic refers to verbal and nonverbal communication that codes a person’s mental experiences; it is how we describe what we are experiencing. Finally, programming refers to the way we communicate with ourselves and others to achieve a desired outcome. These goals and outcomes can range from more customer sales to weight loss to better relationships with significant others.

The field of NLP was founded in the 1970s with the studies of Richard Bandler and John Grinder. Bandler and Grinder created the NLP method after carefully studying methods used by the most successful therapists of the era. They found that there were common threads in the structures and methods used by the therapists, and used these methods as the basis for developing the model of neuro-linguistic programming. Bandler and Grinder wrote a number of books on the topic and began teaching NLP courses to coach people on altering behavior in themselves and others to become more successful, happier individuals.

According to the neuro linguistic programming communication model, we process outside information with our own internal representations. Our past memories, decisions, values and beliefs all play a role in filtering our everyday experience and turning it into something that can be very different from reality.

Based on our own information filters, our minds then distort, delete or generalize the situation to create our response. This sum of filters and processes explains why one person reacts to a snake with fear while another person reacts positively and wants to hold the snake. The way people respond to work pressure, hearing a certain tone of voice or specific phrases, or a quick glance from another person can all be understood and explained through neuro-linguistic programming.

Benefits of Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP)

Since the 1970s, NLP has served as a positive way for individuals to take control of their lives. By reprogramming the way the mind reacts to certain situations, negative thought and behavior patterns can be overcome and replaced with new patterns to achieve a desired goal.

Because of this, NLP is a unique therapy method for enabling people to overcome fears, learning disorders, depression, and negative habits.

However, it is also more than a method for correcting negative behaviors – learning NLP enables a person to understand how the mind works, giving them a tool for enormous influence and success in life and business.

For this reason neuro-linguistic programming is often referred to as the ’science of excellence.’ The founders actually developed NLP in part by studying how the most successful people in the world achieved their phenomenal status, happiness and wealth; another reason it earned the tag ’science of excellence.’

Many highly successful people, including Oprah and world-renowned motivational guru Tony Robbins, are avid proponents of NLP and credit the method with much of their success.

To learn NLP techniques, individuals can take neuro-linguistic programming courses and seminars from experts in NLP. Many neuro-linguistic masters offer one-on-one coaching, though individual sessions can be pricey. Individuals who wish to learn NLP at home can order online study materials that reveal the tricks and techniques behind mastering NLP, and practice on their own to reach their goals.


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Neuro Linguistic Programming: How to Select a Coach to Work With

July 20th, 2009 by admin | No Comments | Filed in Linguistics


/b> almost anybody you know has personal issues and situations they don't know how to deal with.

No matter what is your lifestyle or who are the people you deal with, you will rarely find somebody who is totally happy and satisfied with absolutely every aspect of their life. And when I say rarely, I mean it. Of course many people will say that, but will you buy it? Life is constantly challenging us. There is nothing wrong with it. However, there are some people who can find new choices quite easily and go from challenge to challenge in a breeze and there are some others who remain stuck into the same problems for years. The former is how we would like it to be, while the latter is the basis of what we call psychological problems.

If you stop for a second to think about what the previous paragraph says, you can immediately realize the basis of neuro linguistic programming: if some people remain stuck into the same problems for years, then there must be a structure somewhere in their behavior or within their environment that preserves those problems. There must be something that remains the same every day in order for that problem to remain the same. This is the basis of Neuro Linguistic Programming: we look for recurring patterns in day by day behavior of people.

The same applies for both people who have constant problems and people who have constant success: in both cases there must be something they do repeatedly in order to keep their situation as it is. In Neuro Linguistic Programming we study patterns of behavior, and in particular we study in great detail empowering patterns in order to be able to teach them to people and we study disempowering patterns only to the point where we know enough to help them getting better.

Basically, it is an educational process: we simply help people finding inside themselves the way to live their lives to the fullest. This makes it so that we don't necessarily do the same things when helping different people who say they have the same problem: an NLP session is tailored to the people involved in it. Every single person is unique, and we have to deal with that uniqueness when helping them finding their own way to a good life. Dealing with uniqueness and variety is both exciting and challenging.

Being free for us does not mean not having problems. It means learning how to deal with them.

So, in which areas of your life would you like some help? Most people are extremely good at doing something and they completely lack the skills they would need to do other things: for example, some are extremely good at making money but nobody likes them and they feel alone, while others have lots of friends but no money. Which are your areas for self improvement?

The most common areas where NLP can help you a lot are limiting fears, phobias, addictions to alcohol, fat food, smoking, being shy, being non social and the like. Do you really want to keep living like that for all of your life? Some people do indeed, they say things like “I can't change, I am too young”, “I am too old” and the like. They make lots of excuses in order to keep their problems. Is it worth it? I don't think so. Life is too short for keeping your problems.

Now that you have decided to get better, where do you start? If you live in a big city like me (I live in London, UK), then you will find a lot of people claiming this and that about their ability to help you learning lots of things. How do you choose a practitioner to work with? How do you distinguish the good ones from the others?

There is no absolute guarantee, but here are some guidelines.

First of all, they must have a proper certification. The Society of NLP(tm) is the society that issues the most prestigious certifications. Some of the certifications are signed by Richard Bandler himself, one of the two co-developers of Neuro Linguistic Programming.

But even being certified by The Society of NLP(tm) is not equivalent to being experienced enough or honest enough. One of the cues to look for when choosing a practitioner is wether they are willing to be paid for results: if you get the result you want they get paid, otherwise they don't.

Traditionally, therapists and consultants are paid for the time they spend with you, so that it might happen that you stay with them for a long time and end up not getting what you want, but they will still get their money. Looking for people who are willing to take responsibility for helping you to the point that they get paid only when you get results means that they will always do their best.

Another important cue is wether they are willing to do sessions in public places. This could seem odd to people accustomed to psychotherapy for example, but nonetheless it is an important point: the challenges we face every day happen in the real world. Having a session in a place that somehow resembles the environment where the problem occurs is very important for testing behavioral changes.

So when choosing an Neuro Linguistic Programming practitioner to work with, always ask them if they are willing to be paid for results instead of time. If they say yes, they may ask you a higher fee than others, but you'll know that you've found the right person and that your life will improve.


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